“She deserved it”

“I left class and went to the principal’s office and told. The principal told me, go back to class and bring the boy here. I went back to class and told him the principal wanted to see him, but he didn’t come. Finally he came, an all the principal told him was “ stop,if you’re beating and abusing girls, you’ll grow up to beat your wife”. He didn’t get detention. Nothing. I won’t report anything anymore.” Girl age 14, Mitchell’s Plain Cape Town.

We’ve met girls in Cape Town who are exposed to unwanted, controlling, abusive, and humiliating interactions, including sexual assault and harassment. These are viewed by boys as a game and not taken seriously by the authorities. One twelve year old girl said “ when you tell them to stop, when you say no, they just laugh and keep on doing the same thing.”
















Girls repeatedly said that boys will claim they were just “ joking” or “ playing” and then expect the explanation to suffice. TOO OFTEN IT DOES.











“ I had a case of a series of girls who were being fondled at school by a teacher. Two girls spoke up, but then one withdrew her complaint the other child received no support from the other teachers, or the community. It’s too much for a child to pursue alone. In the end the teacher responded: “she’s just accusing me cause she has a crush on me.” Linda Dhabicharam, Child Line.

Among male youth, who knew a woman who had been raped 7% said, “she must have enjoyed it” and 24% said “asked for it”! Nearly half the males surveyed according to a recent Gauteng Area Study, said they had sexually violent male friends. Nearly 50% of male youth said they believed a girl who said “ no” to sex meant “yes”. Some girls even responded that they did not have the right no to be subjected to sexual violence.

“ Everyone is scared for themselves. If you try and take things up, you might find yourself in big trouble.” Teacher, township, Gauteng.

Our challenge therefore becomes – how to make society believe our children when they expose abusers. How do we transfer the feelings of guilt and shame that the innocent child feels to the guilty rapist.

Turn “they deserved it” to “ we won’t stand for it.”