Bringing colour back into the lives of South Africa's children

You have been on this journey with us, and have come to realise that there are no easy answers.

The fabric of our South African society is fraught with:

• Issues of male identity and sexuality
• Gender inequality
• Distorted traditional and cultural practices
• Apartheid
• AIDS and the myth of the "virgin cure"

If we look at the rational, clinical explanation of why men rape you will find a plethora of data that tries to neatly explain the root cause, such as:

POWER-REASSURANCE: That's what law enforcement calls the " gentleman rapist". He has a complex fantasy of a consensual relationship with a women.

POWER-ASSERTIVE:That's the individual who believes that he is entitled to do whatever he wants to a woman. They're to be used for his gratification. His fantasies are minimal.

ANGER-RETALIATORY: This person assaults because he is motivated by anger, and he's getting even with women for real or imagined wrongs.He has almost no fantasy. He simply strikes.

ANGER-EXCITATION: He's a sexual sadist. He's punishing women because he believes them to be evil and powerful, so he's trying to take that power. He has deep and complex fantasies.

OPPORTUNISTIC: He's there to commit another crime, like robbery or burglary. The victim is there and he simply seizes the opportunity. He's frequently under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

GANG RAPE:This involves three or more offenders, and you always have a leader and a reluctant participant. Those are extremely violent, and what you find is that they're playing for each other's approval. It gets into a pack mentality and is horrendous.

In our Xploring we found that the neat boxes of psychology are not sufficient to understand what motivates South African men. So what do we then do in South Africa to STOP THIS?

Our objective, from the outset was to STOP child abuse in South Africa by 2011.

We believe that the biggest issue standing in the way of realising this objective is that South Africa has one of the highest incidences of rape and silence about rape in the world -a rate comparable with a war zone such as Darfur, Rwanda or Bosnia. Victims are either afraid to speak out because they will be persecuted or worse yet, ostracized because they are not believed.

We believe that when these men rape children, they are creating a state of war within their communities, which results in the psychological death of our children. Nobody wants to live in a war zone
where the enemy is protected and the victims ostracized!

WE NEED TO STOP THE WAR BY OSTRACIZING THE PERPETRATOR NOT THE VICTIM!

This is where our journey has led us

Log in tommorrow for the final blog where we bring colour back into SA children's lives.

UMA UTHATHA TMANSLA AMI KIMI NGIZOWA THATHA KBUYELE KIMI

(if you strip me of my power, I will steal it back)

“We have given court interdicts. That does not work. Someone needs to put the fear of God into these men” (SAPS)











For the past couple of days we have been in KZN, one of the biggest problem areas of sexual abuse and violence against woman and children in South Africa. Up until now, we have focused on the victims and terrible crimes, but the objective of our Xploring in Durban was to uncover the truth about WHAT MEN CARE ABOUT? Because the sad reality is that it is NOT our children!







It is undeniable that the political, social and economic conditions of South Africa have been shaped and devastated by our past. We have heard it over and over again, the heavy burden this violent legacy places upon men. Leaving them feeling hopeless, numb … without caring for themselves or others. They believe there is no way out. So drugs and alcohol abuse and violence becomes the only escape from their harsh reality.
















This lies at the core of the mammoth task that we face in South Africa – IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO BLAME THE PAST FOR YOUR CURRENT BEHAVIOUR – NOTHING IN THE WORLD JUSTIFIES YOU HURTING A CHILD!













Many men we met had the same story as Moses, a re-covering alcoholic we met on the pier on Durban South Beach. He told us that the arguments in his house were all about money, especially child-support. This seems to be the cause of many, many abusive incidents.

“When my wife and I both drank, things were very, very bad in our house … to much violence! But she must not drink! She must listen to me! Or I will slap her …” (Moses, Jobless, Durban)
















We focused on KZN because it is one of our poorest provinces where child abuse is rife. Poverty exacerbates the violence against children. Economic dependency cannot be emphasized enough in this context, as it results in limited choices that woman and children have to escape abusive relationships.

We have been trying to understand why these men don’t care? After meeting many men, we cannot deny the role of culture as a basis for the pervasive view amongst a large group of South African men that woman and children are subservient.

“Even if a child who’s been abused by the father or the uncle … if the mother came to report the case … that is the end of them in that family! You must pack and go … ! This is the thing for men where you can just take someone, even a young girl or a baby, and it is not a secret, MEN ARE ALLOWED…!”
(Author: Justice Served: Kelly Moult)

So the question is: WHAT DO THESE MEN CARE ABOUT?







Within the African Culture a man should be powerful and strong. When this is challenged, especially by a woman or a child it challenges their very masculinity. It is especially important for them to be seen within their community as real men. Not to loose face or be exposed! Right now these men don’t deserve the power, they are stealing it!

We need to show their faces and in so doing strip them of their masculinity. There is nothing that cripples a man more than exposing him! We need to strip these perpetrators from their “masculinity”.

Daddy really loves me

Throw and catch,
Throw and catch,
Catch and throw the ball.
Throw and catch,
Do not let it fall!

His hands are big.
He touches me.
And there I fall,
Naked and small.

My daddy loves me most of all!

“Pray, that God may save us”

We have been living in the world of hospitals and clinics, moms with AIDS and kids with bruises,
nurses and social workers for the past 5 days.








We met head Nurse Nombuyiselo today, she believes that evil spirits come to “invade these hollow people amongst us”, who commit the ultimate crime -killing a child – slowly.















Girls as young as eight know what rape is, when asked what do you like about being a girl, they came up with nothing, they wanted to be boys – they were so afraid of being hurt, and boys beating them up.

HOW DO YOU STOP THIS, we asked? Pray she said!

The statistics of a recently conducted Gauteng Area study reveal the same:

“ A group of us had been talking about rape. I said I could take care of myself, I wouldn’t be a rape victim. One boy said I couldn’t. I told him I wasn’t afraid of him, and that he couldn’t hurt me. He wanted me to know I SHOULD BE AFRAID. I am afraid. I think of what if there was no stick on the ground. I think if there was no stick- he would rape me. I think if he was in this room with us right now he would rape me.” (9 year old girl / Gauteng )









WHERE DO YOU TURN? As Xplorers we have been battling with this question for five days. There are so many facets to this problem,that make it an enormously complex social issue. We are dealing with the issue of spirits, religion and silence.

“How can the day break, how can birds sing - when our children are dying? - Said by a mother whose little boy was raped and killed by a pedophile last year.

There is a huge veil of secrecy in all the communities that we visit. We need to instill a holy anger that leads to communities ostracizing the perpetrator not the victim.

“She deserved it”

“I left class and went to the principal’s office and told. The principal told me, go back to class and bring the boy here. I went back to class and told him the principal wanted to see him, but he didn’t come. Finally he came, an all the principal told him was “ stop,if you’re beating and abusing girls, you’ll grow up to beat your wife”. He didn’t get detention. Nothing. I won’t report anything anymore.” Girl age 14, Mitchell’s Plain Cape Town.

We’ve met girls in Cape Town who are exposed to unwanted, controlling, abusive, and humiliating interactions, including sexual assault and harassment. These are viewed by boys as a game and not taken seriously by the authorities. One twelve year old girl said “ when you tell them to stop, when you say no, they just laugh and keep on doing the same thing.”
















Girls repeatedly said that boys will claim they were just “ joking” or “ playing” and then expect the explanation to suffice. TOO OFTEN IT DOES.











“ I had a case of a series of girls who were being fondled at school by a teacher. Two girls spoke up, but then one withdrew her complaint the other child received no support from the other teachers, or the community. It’s too much for a child to pursue alone. In the end the teacher responded: “she’s just accusing me cause she has a crush on me.” Linda Dhabicharam, Child Line.

Among male youth, who knew a woman who had been raped 7% said, “she must have enjoyed it” and 24% said “asked for it”! Nearly half the males surveyed according to a recent Gauteng Area Study, said they had sexually violent male friends. Nearly 50% of male youth said they believed a girl who said “ no” to sex meant “yes”. Some girls even responded that they did not have the right no to be subjected to sexual violence.

“ Everyone is scared for themselves. If you try and take things up, you might find yourself in big trouble.” Teacher, township, Gauteng.

Our challenge therefore becomes – how to make society believe our children when they expose abusers. How do we transfer the feelings of guilt and shame that the innocent child feels to the guilty rapist.

Turn “they deserved it” to “ we won’t stand for it.”